Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
This isn't good.
Well, it may be, but can you be sure?
The biggest problem, you see, is always with things that claim to be good. I have the same problem with people who claim to be good, too.
Right now, though, we're talking about burgers. And we know that the Big Mac is going through some difficult times.
Why, McDonald's has even started messing with the recipe. But now along comes a burger that carries the full complement of the modern world's sanctimoniousness, all in one enticing bun.
This burger is vegetarian. And, perish the sanctity, it's been created by nerds in Silicon Valley.
Can't they keep their hands off of anything? Do they really have to make burger joints part of their rallying cry to make the world a, um, better place?
This concoction is, naturally, called the Impossible Burger. It's possible, though, that it will turn your stomach.
As the New York Times reports, it's made of potatoes, coconut oil and wheat. These are almost certainly the first three ingredients you think of when you think "Big Mac."
However, there's a secret ingredient in the Impossible Burger. It would likely make Iron Chef contestants scratch their heads, sniff and even ululate.
It's called heme. Look at that word and you might think hematoma. You might even suffer a self-inflicted one when I tell you that this is a molecule that lives in the blood.
How would you like your burger, madam?
Heme is, technically speaking, "an iron-containing compound of the porphyrin class that forms the nonprotein part of hemoglobin and some other biological molecules."
The idea here is that the heme will make this veggie burger "look, smell, sizzle and taste," says the Times, like a burger. A real one. A real meaty one.
Meat isn't getting murdered yet, but meat substitutes are making inroads into our eating habits.
There are, of course, environmental advantages inherent in not killing millions of cows. And let's be truthful to ourselves, current burger just might have one or two spuriously named chemicals shoved inside them to make them, in some twisted way, more appetizing.
But all this rampant veggieness is likely to be off-putting to many, especially if they know that their burger has been porphyrinized.
Should you be a fervent meat-lover, however, I can offer you a patty-na of hope.
The Times asked George Motz, a self-styled burger guru and host of Travel Channel's Burger Land, to try the Impossible Burger.
His verdict was impossibly hopeful: "Any carnivore will take one bite of this burger and know it's fake."
This is the era of fake news. Can we fall in love with fake burgers?