Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Everyone wants to live longer because, well, dying doesn't sound so entertaining.
It's fraught with too many concerns about deity, heaven, hell and the notion that we'll somehow be reconstituted in the stars.
To discover, then, secrets to a longer existence down here -- for all its faults -- is pulsating.
After all, you want your life to be as productive as possible, in every aspect, even if you have to make sacrifices.
What's uplifting about some new longevity secrets that have just been exposed, is that you don't have to make so many sacrifices.
Indeed, this feels like the precise opposite of what is often considered sound advice.
You see, a study presented by the University of California, Irvine reveals some remarkable indicators for what differentiates those who live a very long time from those who don't.
Called the 90+ Study, it encompasses results from 1,600 people who managed to experience their 90s.
Which, one would hope, is more fun than, say, 90s music.
I find myself rushing to two conclusions in the study because they're so fundamentally opposed to so many strictures generally muttered.
First, the study shows that those who drank alcohol or coffee lived longer.
I should add that the study insists these people drank "moderate" amounts of either -- or, perhaps, both.
In the case of alcohol, this means 2 glasses of wine or beer a day, not 2 quadruple gin-and-tonics. For coffee, it means 2 cups a day.
You'll be wondering how much more life such reasonable behavior might get you.
For the alcoholists, their chances of dying early was reduced by 18 percent.
For the coffee-drinkers, 10 percent.
This information offered a slight leap to my soul.
Every time I go for my annual physical, my doctor probes me on how much alcohol and coffee I consume.
"Moderate amounts," I always tell her.
"Your moderate or the world's?" she replies, with that you're-full-of-it tone she has.
I beg her to believe I'm telling the truth. She believes my begging beggars belief.
The Irvine study did, though, toss up another life-altering -- or, perhaps, life-affirming -- result.
Apparently, it helps to be overweight in your 70s, as these people live longer than those of normal or less-than-normal weight.
But that's another thing doctors obsess about. Excess weight, I've always been told, is a strong indicator that you'll keel over long before The Bachelor finally ends its all-too-painful run.
I suppose moderation in all things isn't bad. Even when it's moderation in profiteering.
Here, though, there's certainly the suggestion that scrupulously avoiding most of life's pleasures and riding a bike all day while eating boiled arugula -- hey, I live in California -- may not be the finest idea.
Which, curiously, offers us all a little hope.