Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Please imagine the tension among mayors, real people, and the ever-caring community of recruitment consultants.
Almost every city in America has crawled on its knees to beg Jeff Bezos for a few shillings from his pocket.
Please, sir. Can we have the privilege of being secondary to Seattle?
I cannot imagine how many people -- or robots -- are plowing through submissions for hosting Amazon's second headquarters.
Look, there's one here from Moscow. Wait, it's not the one in Indiana.
You, because you enjoy speculation, want to know who the favorites are.
There's an excellent way to find out. Ask the bookies.
If you know where the money's being placed, there could be something to it.
I drifted, then, to the website of Paddy Power, an Irish institution that takes bets on just about everything that's happening in the world.
There, I found two cities that are clear favorites to land this astonishing prize.
Austin and Atlanta.
It seems that the smart -- or large, or vacuous -- money is on one of these two to be the ultimate winner.
They're both currently at 2-1.
Philadelphia is at 7-1 and Boston at 8-1.
But wait, what's this at 9-1? Toronto? Isn't that in Canada?
A Canadian city might steal this prize? Donald Trump would instantly launch nuclear missiles north of the border.
As for the 10-1 shot, it's Rochester, New York. The home of Kodak and I'm not sure what else.
Many people thought Denver a front-runner.
Indeed, having visited there earlier this year, I thought it an extremely pleasant place, full of remarkably civilized people, despite its being home to the Broncos. (Disclosure: Chargers fan, despite the L.A. debacle.)
Sadly, Denver is a 20-1 shot. Yes, no better than Los Angeles.
What, though, might Atlanta and Austin have in common?
Well, awful weather. If these two really are the favorites, maybe it's because the humidity in either would surely force employees to stay in their air-conditioned offices.
Austin, though, does have the weird thing going on, which makes it a touch more akin to Seattle.
I've been to Austin more often than Atlanta and I've always had a lovely time there.
Atlanta isn't without its charms, despite being Coketown. I do feel Austin had the edge when it comes to cuisine, however.
Moreover, I suspect that some will worry that if Amazon settled in Atlanta, its profits would always be disastrous in the fourth quarter. (My apologies. That was terrible.)
Of course it could be that many of these bettors have hired private detectives -- or, as they're now known, hackers -- and all they could discover is that it's going to be a city beginning with "A."
What if it's Albuquerque? Or Anchorage?
I have some confidence that it won't be Little Rock, Arkansas, after the city flew a banner over Seattle on Monday.
It read: "Hey Amazon. It's not you, it's us."
A healthy attitude, don't you think?