Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.

You know the drill.

Millennials are -- allegedly -- entitled, lazy, self-absorbed, whiny and buried in their gadgets.

Did I miss anything?

Who would want to employ people like that?

A Connecticut-based concern called The Silent Partner Marketing Company believes it has the answer to discovering which of them (if any) would make great employees.

It gives them a so-called Snowflake Survey.

Pass it and you're cold as ice. Fail it and you'll melt at the first sign of trouble. Or of the heartily self-assured face belonging to Silent Partner's CEO Kyle Reyes.

You'll be wondering what sort of questions might be in this test of your flaky qualities.

Could it be "Where Does Quinoa Come From?" Or perhaps: "What's better? Stumptown or Blue Bottle?"

Sadly not.

Instead, there's: "What Does America Mean To You?"What do you mean "it means not getting maternity leave"?

Instead, you get: "What Does American Mean To You?"

What do you mean "it means not getting any maternity leave from my employer"?

And then there's: "What Does Privilege Mean To You?"

Oh, did I hear you say: "Being the president's daughter and getting an office at the White House?"

That, I fear, might not be well received.

Reyes insists that there are no right answers to his questions. However, he does seem to wrap himself -- it's an aggressive wrap, this -- in Americana of a certain political bent.

He totes guns like some PR people bear totes.

Indeed, you can see it in his most celebrated video, which has now been enjoyed by more than 5 million people on Facebook.

It's an oeuvre that -- some would say very accurately -- mocks college students' concept of "trigger warnings." There are college students who really do suffer from Over-Sensitivity Syndrome.

Reyes explains that his agency has recently worked with bourbon, bacon, puppies and guns. These, he insists, are far more American than some college students will ever be.

Oh, what fiery burn.

The video was stimulated by events at Hampshire College. It removed the American flag from campus after students lowered it to half-mast after the election. (It has since been restored to its privileged place.)

Reyes told Fox Business that the Privilege question is all about discovering whether the candidate has a work ethic.

And as for another survey question: "When Was The Last Time You Cried And Why?" -- that, he said, shows whether people have heart.

"But I also need to know whether people can come up with an argument and stand by that," he said. You might wonder whether anyone has told him: "You're something of a bulbous-headed brat" and stood by it.

Reyes's argument is ultimately simple.

He believes there are "a lot of entitled people out there who feel that they haven't earned vacation time, they should be handed vacation time."

Ah, in some countries they merely call it civilized to give all your employees some time off. In many parts of the world, the notion that many Americans only get two weeks' vacation is viewed as a touch asinine. Barbaric, even.

Still, Reyes insists that part of his quest in the test involves looking for people with excellent spelling and grammar.

If you look at his website, however, you might be disturbed. He seems to believe fine English resides in the phrase "massively sexy."

Moreover, the site is adorned with blistering clichés such as: "We will push the envelope" and "Business Growth Hacking."

Reyes clearly, though, has found a way to create excellent, highly targeted publicity for himself and his 21-person company. By mocking millennials.

Should you be keen on applying to Silent Partner for a job, please be aware of how Reyes describes himself on Facebook: "The unfiltered, unapologetic marketing CEO who doesn't give a damn about being politically correct. No trigger warnings here. Just a savage you'll love."

Oh, when people tell you that you're going to love them, that's a trigger warning.

I bet he's a real snowflake at heart.

Published on: Mar 25, 2017