Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
There is rarely anything comfortable about an airplane toilet.
They're cramped. The water emerges from the tap in very small and sudden doses. And the smell, well, let's not think about that.
Of course, for American Airlines passengers, this is now getting worse, as the toilets on most of the airline's narrow-body planes are being reduced by another 25 percent.
Please don't think, though, that aircraft designers -- urged on by their clients at the airlines -- aren't thinking about newer, more brutal suggestions.
Take, for example, this new bathroom concept from Zodiac Aerospace. It was a finalist in this year's Crystal Cabin awards.
The design is truly revolutionary
Oh, look, I'm avoiding the essence, so here goes.
The idea is to rip out one of the bathrooms and replace it with two urinals. Yes, for men.
You can't imagine what this will look like?
Fortunately, I have a video of all the finalists and the so-called Durinal emerges at the 1.10 marker.
As you can see, if you could bear to look, the urinals each take up less space.
But, I hear you mutter, won't you get stuck in them? It's bad enough when anyone tries to use most airplane bathrooms. These are half the size.
And, well, should you be male, do you have any idea what urinals smell like in public places?
The creators, however, insist that these urinals "improve visible hygiene in the male splash zone."
I'm not going to draw you a diagram, but, as someone who has used one or two urinals in my time, I fear this might verge upon poppycock.
There's also the claim that this will make the other toilets "more hygienic for the ladies."
But let's be frank. This is a rudimentary seatless Porta Potty by another name.
I'll refrain from lurching into the graphic, as I feel sure that you're already concocting your own projections for how this might (not) work in practice.
Please let me sink instead to revealing Zodiac's claim that there will be "no loss of cabin space, whilst reducing cost, weight, water usage and maintenance effort."
I know that some passengers are already frightened at the thought of the new airline seats that make you sit as if you're in a saddle.
Yes with far, far less legroom even than in current cramped planes.
However, I can already hear American Airlines CEO Doug Parker desperate to try these new bathrooms.
Or, rather, desperate to get someone else to try them so that he can discover precisely how much more money his airline could make by installing them.
Of course, some claim that this design is supported by math queuing theory. It will, in some eyes, reduce the lines for the restroom.
For frequent flyers, however, I suspect this won't reduce the angst of looking around from your seat, wondering when a bathroom will become free and hoping to goodness that you'll find a way to get into it and that it won't be an infernal mess in there.
I leave the last thought, though, to the Flight Attendants.
What do you imagine they'll think of the Durinals?
I'm guessing they won't be flush with joy.