Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
These days, every time I book a flight I wonder what might go wrong.
Well, when I say "go wrong," I mean go worse than before.
It doesn't happen every time.
But when Virgin Atlantic gave me a (not a real) seat on a San Francisco-London flight a couple of weeks ago, I decided that nothing was out of the question.
How extraordinary, then, that Virgin's not alone in making passengers uncomfortable.
Guess what British Airways' latest wheeze is?
No, it's not going to take away one of your meals on a transatlantic flight and replace it with a chocolate bar. It's already decided to do that.
Neither is British Airways going to force all passengers to speak the Queen's English or they won't get any food at all.
It seems British voters rejected that, despite plumping for Brexit.
However, the company that once called itself "The World's Favorite Airline" has decided that on many of its Boeing 777 aircraft, it's going to shove those in coach closer together.
This isn't an attempt to follow Starbucks in its desperate quest for people to unite, rather than divide.
It is, quite astonishingly, an attempt to make more money.
As the Independent reports, the airline is going to simply squeeze more people into coach.
Instead of 9 seats across the economy cabin of its 777s, there will now be 10.
You'll imagine that someone in the PR department has already invented a euphemism for this new configuration of madness.
They have. It's called "densification."
British Airways isn't shoving more seats into its planes. It's densifying its planes.
Because densifying your lovers, your children or your best friends has always brought dividends.
You'll be thinking that passengers are getting fatter. So, however, are the cats who run airlines.
Essentially, BA is beginning to copy cheaper, bucketish airlines in attempting to pile on person on top of another.
It isn't just BA's 777s that are enjoying this honor, even though I'm sure passengers will adore the additional 52 seats.
The airline's Airbus 320s will also be blessed with 12 extra seats.
Please halt your celebrations for a moment while I offer you the words of Willie Walsh, CEO of BA's parent company IAG.
"We're responding to a market opportunity," he said.
You, therefore, must sacrifice your comfort and your sang-froid so that British Airways can take advantage of a market opportunity.
Don't you feel better now?
Oh, I almost forgot. British Airways' tagline is "To Fly, To Serve."
I cannot confirm that this tagline is being densified to read: "To Fly To Help Ourselves."