Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Nerves are jangling and markets are trembling.
Humans are preparing for a Hillary win or they're heading for the hills. They're getting ready to witness a Trumpian triumph or, as former Congressman John Walsh tweeted this week, they're grabbing their muskets.
So Elementum, a company that makes supply-chain management products, thought it would see what sort of supplies Americans might be needing in the coming weeks.
It's just given me an exclusive look at the results.
Elementum discovered that a mere 3 percent of Americans intend to make a major purchase, like a house or car, during this election time.
On the other hand, 16 percent say they intend to buy a gun. Just in case, you understand.
Of the 2,000 adults surveyed from October 20 to 24, almost one in five of those living in the South said they'd be buying a firearm.
Among women, 24 percent said they'd be investing in arms. The least likely to purchase a gun? Women aged 55-64.
You might think this nation has violence always on its mind. Or perhaps merely the fear of violence.
You might also wonder what other actions these intrepid 2,000 said they'd be taking.
Fifteen percent of men aged 35-44 and 16 percent of millennial males said they'd be investing in a passport.
Could we really lose 16 percent of millennial men to Canada? That would be an interesting exodus of talent and self-regard.
Thirteen percent and 10 percent of the men, respectively, said they'd also put some money into precious metals. I'm not sure whether this includes Ivanka Trump jewelry.
To lighten the mood, the surveyors wondered whether any of the respondents would be interested in a Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton fashion line.
Astonishingly, a whole 2 percent said they would.
America is, indeed, troubled.