Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Last week, I flew back from Aruba, where I'd been invited to a happiness conference and hosted at the glorious Tierra Del Sol golf course.
I flew with American Airlines.
I don't usually watch movies on the plane, but this time I thought I'd buy some headphones at Miami airport for the long trip back to the Bay Area.
It was money ill spent.
The TV screen in front of my coach seat simply didn't work.
I could depress one button and the image of a smiling American Airlines staff member would change to another image of a smiling American Airlines staff member.
Try to get a movie, however and, well, it wasn't going to happen.
I tell this story only to contrast it with flying first class.
There's a gulf so wide that it's like comparing a shack in Queens with Trump Tower.
It's like comparing a chicken coop with an English castle.
It's like comparing a Trabant with a Bentley.
I know this because YouTube personality Casey Neistat just uploaded a video of his first class experience on Emirates from Dubai to New York.
He'd been upgraded, he said.
He'd been upgraded, in fact, to another world.
This was less a seat that a little apartment in the air.
It has sliding doors. It has a very large TV. And it has a motorized bar. Yes, right there in the little apartment.
Meals are on your timetable, not the airline's.
Naturally, the seat turns into a bed. When you wake up, you can reserve a shower.
Jennifer Aniston showers on Emirates. Did you know that?
The showers are far larger than any restroom you'll have seen on a plane.
Neistat, being a YouTube personality, showers with his shades on. And he loves it.
You might think that this is the life you've always dreamed of.
You might think that you work all hours so that, one day, you can do this too.
If $21,635 is nothing to you, then of course it's worth it.
It is, however, a lot of money to pay for a shower, a bar and a few toiletries.
Still, that's how the other half lives. Or, rather, the other 0.1 percent.
They spend money on frivolities that you could mostly live without.
The only thing you wish you had on a plane -- really -- is a little space, a little peace and a little rest if it's at all possible.
And that, my friends in coach, is what airlines want to deprive you of the most.
It's quite a business plan, isn't it?