Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
We've tried. We've really tried.
But it's all become too much.
In opulent enclaves, they're quickstepping on their yachts and whistling tunes of wonder, while the rest of us worry about mortgage payments and school fees.
Let's confess it. It's over.
The rich are sniggering at us and our ignorance of how things really work.
Then they go shopping.
Well, it's more conspicuous than having some plebeian deliver on behalf of Amazon. Who can see what you're buying?
Excess and gaudiness are the ugly stepsisters who sneer at Cinderella, as she scrubs floors to make a living.
Talking of Tiffany's, it's just started selling something for those whose snook needs to be cocked on a daily basis.
It's a tin can.
It's 4.5" high. And you have to be high and mighty to buy one. Or, perhaps, just high every nighty.
And who cannot appreciate the thin blue stripe that courses down its side and says: "I paid oodles for this"?
I almost forgot to mention. This tin can costs $1,000.
It's part of Tiffany and Co's new Home and Accessories Collection. Whose full title appears to be "luxury Home and Accessories Collection."
To quote the store's brilliantine press release that shines here on my desktop, this is "Tiffany's take on modern life where creativity and wit collide with the finest materials."
And you thought the creativity and wit of modern life were epitomized by IKEA.
I did mention that this was a collection, didn't I? Well, thankfully it's not a collection of tin cans.
Less thankfully, there's also a paper plate. Yours for $950.
Oh, and what about the protractor, ruler, drinking straw, first aid box and paper cup?
Because you've always wanted to spend absurd amounts of money on such things in their fancier versions.
Did you know that you can even have them engraved "to make them uniquely personal"?
Spending $1,000 on a tin can simply isn't quite enough of a personal statement already.
I apologize if I sound critical, but my digestive system has never been the same since Neiman Marcus tried to sell collard greens for $81.
This luxury Home and Accessories Collection from Tiffany's is, though, of an entirely more exalted order.
Depending on whether you're looking up or looking down, that is.
I'm sure it'll be a rip-roaring success.