Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Please lie down on my purple chaise-longue and let's free associate.
I'm going to utter a phrase and you're going to give me your instant reaction.
Ready? Here we go.
Did I hear you say awful?
Or was that offal?
Generally, food on planes doesn't receive the finest reviews, though personally I've had some more than passable dishes on flights.
United Airlines, though, is intensely proud of its catering. So much so that it believes you should replicate its excellence at home.
Please welcome the United Airlines Polaris Cookbook. Let me offer you some words from the airline's marketing spiel:
The United Polaris Cookbook features a collection of mouthwatering recipes inspired by the United Polaris onboard dining experience.
You thought I was kidding, but no.
United is so confident in its fancier food that it believes you should be cooking it at home.
Should you not be familiar with the Polaris part of this oeuvre, it's an especially fancy Business Class offering that's hardly available on any actual United planes.
Implementing it has been an arduous process.
Indeed, when I flew from Newark to San Francisco in Business Class recently, there wasn't a Polaris element to be seen.
Yet here, United's Executive Chefs have come together with chefs from the very worthwhile Trotter Project -- a charitable organization that opens doors for the disadvantaged to get jobs in the culinary and hospitality worlds -- to give you the ingredients for exalted living.
There are more than 40 recipes you can try at home, while dreaming of flying somewhere near the front of the plane one day.
This book of recipes will set you back a mere $29.99. Or, as United likes to call it, a baggage fee.
I feel sure you'll have endless hours learning the finer points of airline catering and cooking some excellent inflight meals for those you most love.
And if it takes you a little too long to put the meals together, just explain to your hungry loved ones that there were operational reasons.