Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
It's getting to be a little like Bobby Axelrod and Taylor Mason on Billions.
If you don't watch that show, my opening line may have lost you.
But please don't go.
Should you have missed the previous fights, Amazon has thrown quite a few punches of late.
Why, only yesterday it announced that it would, in the next few months, begin delivering packages by drone.
Oh, how your neighbors will enjoy that buzzing sound, as your underwear arrives.
Walmart, however, must have taken one look at this flying contraption and decided it could do better.
The drone, after all, can only drop your underwear, oranges or detergent off at your door.
Walmart's new idea is to literally walk into your house and put your shopping in the fridge.
I jest not. Here is the announcement from Marc Lore, President and CEO, Walmart eCommerce U.S.
It's entitled: Taking Delivery One Step Further.
You can say that again. One step beyond this and someone from Walmart will be knocking on your bedroom door in the morning and delivering you hot tea in bed.
The idea here is that customers can allow a carefully selected Walmart employee to enter their house and deliver their "fresh groceries and everyday essentials" into their kitchen or garage fridge.
It's called InHome Delivery. Here's how it works, according to Walmart:
At the time of delivery, associates will use smart entry technology and a proprietary, wearable camera to access the customer's home -- allowing customers to control access into their homes and giving them the ability to watch the deliveries remotely.
Is there any better way to break up your day's monotony than watching a Walmart employee waft about your house?
You might wonder, at least for a moment, what sort of Walmart employee will be doing the wafting. Well, this will be a very special Walmart employee. Says the company:
These associates, whose jobs are focused on this service, will also go through an extensive training program which prepares them to enter customers' homes with the same care and respect with which they would treat a friend's or family's home -- not to mention how to select the freshest grocery items and organize the most efficient refrigerator.
They used to be called cat burglars. Now they're personal shoppers and fridge organizers.
What a way to one-up Amazon Key, which allows the company's delivery drivers to leave your packages inside your house, so that porch pirates will have nothing to plunder.
I must tell you, though, that Walmart sees this as merely the beginning of a beautiful -- and very personal -- relationship with its customers.
One of the other fine notions associated with this InHome activity is, oh, are you ready for this:
Later this year, InHome will also accept returns for items purchased on Walmart.com -- customers can just leave them on the counter and their InHome Delivery associate will return the items on their behalf.
Honestly, there'll surely come a day when you'll wander into your kitchen, espy a Walmart employee and think nothing of it.
This is the future. Save Money. Live Better. Be Lazier.
And don't forget to say hello to Larry from Walmart as he puts your beer in the fridge.