Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek. 


Begone, puppies and Clydesdales.

You cute little animals only encouraged people to drink too much.

These are sobering times. Perhaps it's because our presidential candidates look like they've imbibed too much.

It's time to get serious. After all, it's Super Bowl time.

Here, then, is Budweiser's effort to stop you drinking too much and getting behind the wheel of a car.

Instead of a cuddly softly-softly, this ad features Helen Mirren.

She's been known to disrobe on camera. In this ad, she gives drunk-drivers a dressing down.

She describes herself as "a notoriously frank and uncensored British lady." Well, indeed. She's even played the Queen who, I suspect, can be rather uncensored in private .

Mirren continues: "If you drive drunk, you, simply put, are a shortsighted, utterly useless, oxygen-wasting human form of pollution. A Darwin Award-deserving, selfish coward."

That is fairly frank.

But Mirren's only just started.

"If your brain were donated to science, science would return it," she continues.

Naturally, she tries to appeal to your sense of reason. She suggests: "Don't be a pillock."

(Should you be unfamiliar with this term, it might be translated as "redeemable idiot," rather than one who's too far gone.)

I fancy one or two people might blanch at this level of insult.

How dare a brand put its name to such open insults? What sort of CMO could even countenance insulting the very people who use his product a lot?

Oddly, there's a certain trend here.

Some of the people who use the product a lot are giving it a bad name.

Heineken just released an ad that suggests your attractiveness to women will increase if you drink less Heineken. The tagline is "Moderate Drinkers Wanted."

Budweiser has gone one step further because drinking and driving is a serious matter and excessive beer consumption is contributing to injury and death.

It's employed Mirren because she's the sort of woman men both admire and very slightly fear. She knows more than they do. About everything.

So if she insults you, it's likely because you deserve to be insulted. Yes, even during the Super Bowl.

I can't wait to see a fine, insulting ad from, say, ice cream manufacturers telling you that if you eat a whole quart of dulce de leche while you're watching a movie on the couch, then you're not merely a pillock, but a useless, greedy, corpulent pillock.