Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek. 


It's hard making the world a better place.

It's hard bringing people together, getting them to share in a renewed spirit and a willingness to be open.

Yes, it's hard being Kanye West.

He wants, you see, to make the world so much better.

He has the ideas, too. All he lacks is the money.

You might be surprised that a man who has had enormous success and married one of the world's great entrepreneurs is lagging in the lucre line.

Still, West knows someone who should give him money, someone who should realize how much the world needs helping.

Baring his soul to Ellen Degeneres, West hissed at the efforts of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg.

Kanye had, you see, asked Zuckerberg for a little money to execute his world-shattering, world-saving ideas.

Well, when I say "a little money," you might think it a lot: $1 billion.

Oh, and he also asked for the money via Twitter.

Oddly, he doesn't appear to have received this amount, nor indeed any amount at all.

West told Ellen: "I understand Mark Zuckerberg doesn't use Twitter, even though I have had dinner with him and his wife and told them about how I wanted to help the world, and he said he'd help me, and blah, blah, blah."

There is little worse than a powerful person saying "blah, blah, blah" to you.

It hurts. It's disrespectful. It shows a troubling disbelief in your genius.

Perhaps I forgot to mention, but Kanye thinks he's the next Steve Jobs.

For him, though, the pained feelings run deep. Deep as in a Hollywood movie.

"That's how it feels though," he told Ellen. "It's like The Pursuit of Happyness. It's like you're trying to sell this bone density machine, you know in that movie."

It's hard selling a bone density machine to people who are merely, well, dense.

Kanye, though, knows his machine is unlike any other you could imagine. All he needs is money.

"I feel like if I had more resources, I could help more people," he said.

Honestly, Kanye. So do I. But I'd help, you know, friends.

Kanye doesn't think in such tiny terms. "I have ideas that can make the human race's existence within our 100 years better," he said.

Why bother? These 100 years are effectively humanity's last. We're all turning into robots. We'll have nanochips in our brains that will do the thinking and talking for us.

It will feel like being happily married and not knowing it.

West, though, believes he must step up to be the next great human being. Which he sort of is already, but you don't quite realize it yet.

"Picasso is dead. Steve Jobs is dead. [Walt] Disney is dead," he said. "Name someone living that you can name in the same breath as them. We're one race, the human race, we're a blip in the existence of the universe and we're constantly trying to pull each other down. It's like I'm shaking talking about it. I feel I can make a difference while I'm here. I feel I can make a difference through my skill set."

Perhaps his words will incite so much belief in you that you will send him all your money immediately.

Perhaps they merely give you excellent stimulus for what to say in your next job interview.

But if you don't get the job, you know whom to blame: Mark Zuckerberg.

He didn't give you the $1 billion that would have obviated the need for you to have this darned interview at all.