Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
I blame Tiger Woods.
Every time I saw him out on the course, unpeeling a big one, I knew it was for me.
I'm talking bananas.
Well, about bananas.
How often have you got up a little late, put on odd socks or last Thursday's underwear and had to rush out the door?
You realize you have no time for breakfast, so you snatch a banana from the kitchen counter and devour it as you sit on the train or drive.
That banana is, in its way, a lifesaver.
You eat it and immediately feel chirpier, more alert and, of course, healthier.
That's the feeling that comes with knowing that you're eating fruit. The more you eat, the more your guilt about much of what else you eat subsides.
Trust some well-meaning nutritionist to come along and ruin everything.
Dr. Daryl Gioffre is quoted by well-regarded health magazine Cosmopolitan as saying you should beware your banana.
"Bananas seem like the perfect option to grab and go in the morning," he says. "But with a closer look, you'll find that bananas eaten alone aren't the best option because they're 25% sugar and moderately acidic."
That damnable closer look can destroy even the firmest of assumptions.
He makes it sound like a banana is nothing more than a Snickers on acid.
Dr. Gioffre would love to get you off the acid.
As I perused his ideas, I was moved not only by his passion, but by his revelations.
"Most fruit is acidic," he says, "because of the high sugar content, but there are some exceptions like avocados, tomatoes, lemons, limes, grapefruits, coconuts, and pomegranates."
And you thought lemons and grapefruit were among the most acidic things on earth? Not so, apparently.
As I dug deeper into his theories, there was more acid indigestion.
If you're the sort that loves to work out or adores marathons, bananas are especially bad.
"What are the most common foods I see available on the marathon course?" he asks.
"Bananas, oranges, candy, and Gatorade," he answers.
He describes them as "all bad."
Actually, he describes them as "ALL BAD."
Why is this? "Because it's sugar. So when exercising, again, ALWAYS avoid sugar," he says.
Dr. Gioffre believes capital letters get through to people better, I fear.
I wouldn't dream of suggesting that his theories are any more great than that of even those who might have appeared (or not) on Oprah.
But business is, in its way, exercise. It makes demands on your body, as well as your patience and mental health.
Cosmopolitan tells me that Dr. Gioffre's notion is to pair a banana with a healthy fat or spice.
Bacon and bananas, I find, is one of the most excellent breakfasts in the world.
Coupled with a fresh croissant and a café con leche.
There again, I'm not a nutritionist.