As the family and I were sitting around the table a few weekends back, we came up with an idea for a new app--The Farater (Fart + Rater).

As the name implies, you would essentially fart into your phone and the app would give you a score. We imagined it would score on a variety of fartors (Fart + Factors) such as length, pitch and possibly smell. Although that last one would likely come in version 2.0.

In addition to the rating your farts and competing against friends (fart with friends), we thought it would also be cool to auto-tune your library of sounds into dope tracks (aptly named Auto-tooting). Obviously, those would be shared, which is where the virality comes into play.

Genius, right?

How will it make money you ask? Well, like any consumer-based app, we'll find users and the money will follow. I mean, Bush's baked beans couldn't find a more targeted consumer than this ... in fact, they'd likely acquirer us at some point.

In the meantime though, we'll find funding--obviously it's a huge market. Everybody farts, there's even a book that says so.

Of course I'm just being facetious -- I have no intention of pursuing this idea in the least. And, to think that it would get funded is absolutely absurd.

However, that wasn't the case just a couple of years ago. In fact, assuming it found some hype and traction, it certainly would have been funded. You don't have to look too far back to see proof in the pudding.

You could nearly raise on hype alone. Trust me, I know, I was a beneficiary.

But not today. Many people believe that we're in the midst of a tech bubble. The primary ingredient being that valuations have finally gotten out of hand and have priced out the greater fools.

Although, unlike the tech bubble collapse of 2000, the greater fools are not the average consumer. Assuming it pops, this bubble is less likely to have a major impact on the stock market and the US economy.

This one will be isolated. It will largely impact the founders and companies that had no business raising money in the first place. The ones without a monetization strategy. The ones losing money on every sale and relying on venture funding to stay afloat. The ones whose valuations are so absurdly inflated that they have nowhere to go but down.

Tech companies are about to go through a sifter and only the most worthy will remain.

Those most worthy are the ones that take care of their customers. The ones that focus on not just revenue growth, but profitability. The ones that hire methodically and treat employees with respect. The ones that take calculated risks. The ones that opted out of growing at all costs. The ones that are raising money for growth, not survival. The ones that offer more than a way to judge your farts with friends.

Unfortunately, as much as I like the idea, my fart app is a victim of the impending tech bubble.

Founders and investors: It's time to stop measuring your success on false metrics and start measuring how your real investors feel about you. Your farture depends on it. (See what I did there?)

Published on: Dec 15, 2015
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