A typical work day for most of us is filled with conversations. Managers and direct reports discuss what work needs to be accomplished, by when, and what success should look like. Colleagues talk about the impact that recent changes are having on their roles and their teams. Leaders articulate their vision for the company's future, and how to execute on that. And everyone's talking about the season finale of their favorite TV show, how the local sports team rallied (or failed to rally) in last night's game, or the weather.
As Linda Lambert Ph.D., author of Liberating Leadership Capacity, put it, "One good conversation can shift the direction of change forever."
But that only works with topics you're willing to have a conversation about. Every organization has "elephants in the room," or obvious problems and difficult situations that people avoid discussing. As Chris Argyris, Professor Emeritus at Harvard Business School explained, these topics become undiscussable to "avoid surprise, embarrassment, or threat."
Furthermore, people tend not to bring up topics when they think to themselves, "I'm sure someone else will bring it up so I don't have to" (known as "diffusion of responsibility"). In addition, employees avoid discussing subjects where the perceived threat is social rejection, perhaps thinking to themselves, "If I say something this time, I'll be left out of future conversations." And few of us want to be the person who is being avoided, shunned, or ignored.
In their book, The Thin Book of Naming Elephants: How to Surface Undiscussables for Greater Organizational Success, authors Sue Annis Hammond and Andrea B. Mayfield write that "paying attention to what people talk about and what they don't talk about is often an overlooked key to organizational success."