Earlier this week, Conrad Hilton III, an heir to the Hilton fortune, was charged with the felony of interfering with a flight crew, based upon his behavior on a July 31 flight from London to Los Angeles.
Apparently the 20-year-old WAET (Walking Argument for an Estate Tax) assaulted crew members, threatened to get them fired, smoked marijuana and tobacco, subjected children to obscene rants and used the word "peasants" to describe everyone else on the flight.
Thankfully, most of us will never be see in-flight behavior that obnoxious but here are some lesser offenders that are still plenty annoying:
1. The Stink Bomb
I don't know what you ate before you got on the plane, but do everyone a favor and eat something else next time. Or take some Beano.
2. The Leaky Faucet
It's not your fault that you've got a pea-sized bladder but it is your fault for drinking so water during the flight. And for God's sake why didn't you request an aisle seat?
3. The Phone Yakker
It's one thing to make a quick call to your spouse to say that the flight has landed; it's quite another to have an extended and loud one-sided conversation.
4. Get a Room
It's sweet that you two either 1) just got married, 2) just got engaged, 3) just started dating, or 4) just met, but please keep your tongue in your own mouth.
5. The Pack Rat
Did you seriously think that steamer trunk was going to fit in the overhead bin? And yes, your backpack could theoretically fit under your seat...if you emptied it out first.
6. The Working Group
Yes, your jobs are important and there's work to get done. However, the airplane cabin is not your conference room, so keep the biz-blab down, ok?
7. The Arm Rest Hog
It's not your private arm rest. I get to use it half of the time.
8. The Hairy Eyeball
Obviously you've never travelled with children. So before you give me the stink eye, consider: if I had the superpower to instantly make them quiet, don't you think I'd use it?
9. Game Boy
I appreciate that you're wearing headphones, but I can still hear the music and sound effects and those nail-grating squeaks are driving me slowly insane.
10. The Wide Load
I absolutely agree that airplane seats should be roomier. However, if your bulges completely cover the armrest in coach, fly first class or take the train.
11. The Perfume Factory
That scent might be delightful (or at least tolerable) if you had put a tiny dab behind each ear rather than taking a bath in it.
So, dear readers, who did I miss?