
Over the years, I've reviewed and rewritten hundreds of sales and marketing emails. I've also received thousands of them and, since it's my radar, I immediately notice what they're doing wrong.
Anyway, I started out writing a post about how much I dislike the phrase "We're excited to announce..." but decided instead to provide an omnibus of sales-y words and phrases that are best avoided. (I've done this before but I've greatly expanded the list.)
Some of the items below are simply bad writing, others are out-of-date, and still others are strategic mistakes of the "oops, I accidentally told the truth" variety. With each item, I've included a brief reason why you should avoid it.
- "Are you the decision-maker?" Why: slightly insulting.
- "But wait, there's more!" Why: Hackneyed. OK, if being ironic, tho.
- "Buy now and save." Why: Way corny.
- "Can I send you some information?" Why: Nobody wants more information.
- "Can I tell you about...?" Why: See #4.
- "Could you direct me to the right point of contact?" Why: You're being a pest.
- "...offer you a discount." Why: "discount" implies cheap (in the bad sense.)
- "Limited-Time Offer" Why: Obviously manipulative.
- "Do you have budget for this?" Why: Too crude in "me want make sale" way.
- "Does that make sense?" Why: Too obviously fishing for a "yes" to build momentum.
- "Feel free to call me at..." Why: People know salespeople will take their calls.
- "For more information..." Why: Again, nobody wants more information."
- "Frankly,..." Why: So, you were lying up until now?
- "Have you heard about us?" Why: If you have to ask, they haven't.
- "Highest quality..." Why: Unprovable and everybody says it so, meh.
- "How are things going?" Why: Fake friendliness is a big turnoff.
- "How are you doing today?" Why: See #16.
- "I don't want to waste your time." Why: Then why are you wasting it?
- "Industry-Leading" Why: See #15.
- "I haven't heard back from you." Why: Sounds like you're blaming them.
- "I hope you're doing well." Why: See #16.
- "I thought you might be the right person to connect with." Why: They're not.
- "I wanted to..." Why: Who care what you, a stranger, wants?
- "I'd like to..." Why: See #23
- "I'd love to..." Why: See #24.
- "I'm reaching out to..." Why: Too biz-blabby.
- "World-class" Why: Unprovable and basically meaningless.
- "I've sold..." Why: Reminds people you're in sales. Bad move.
- "I've been selling..." Why: See #28
- "If I don't hear back from you..." Why: Sounds like a threat."
- "If you have any questions..." Why: Wrongly assumes they're interested.
- "Is this a good time to connect?" Why: It's not.
- "Just checking in..." Why: Smacks of gotta-make-the-sale desperation.
- "Just touching base to..." Why: See #33.
- "Money-back guarantee." Why: Cheesy and dated.
- "New and improved!" Why: See #35.
- "Obviously,..." Why: You just insulted the reader.
- "Satisfaction guaranteed." Why: See #33.
- "Sorry to bother you." Why: Then why are you bothering them?
- "Thank you for your time." Why: If you need to say it, you wasted their time.
- "To be honest..." Why: Implies that you haven't been honest.
- "Trust me." Why: Only liars feel the need to say this. (E.g. Trump)
- "We are excited to announce..." Why: Nobody cares if YOU are excited.
- "We can save you money." Why: Too obvious.
- "What do I have to do to get your business?" Why: Sounds too scripted. Also corny.
- "What if I said you could..." Why: See #45.
- "Why pay more?" Why: Hackneyed.