In my free weekly newsletter, I critique and sometimes rewrite sales and marketing messages that readers send me. Many contain one or more of the following phrases that are either meaningless, confusing, or make it less likely that a customer will respond:
1. "Our product is designed/implemented/architected to..."
Customers don't care about your design intentions, your thought processes, or anything else that's internal to your organization.
More important, a product can be designed to do something and then utterly fail to do it. Conversely, sometimes products do cool things that weren't intended in their design.
Talking about a product's design is almost admitting that it doesn't work, or you'd be talking about what it actually does, rather than what it was designed to do.
Better: "Our product does..."
2. "Our product enables/empowers/allows users to..."
This phrasing assumes that your customers want whatever your product does and have been waiting you to make it possible.
But customers don't think that way. They are focused on their own goals and desires, in which your product may (or may not) play a part.
They want to know what buying your product means to them, as in: How will it make their life easier? Or make them more successful?
Better: "With our product, you can..."
3. "Our product has these features/functions..."
Lists of features and functions confuse customers because they assume that customers have defined what they need and will match those needs to the list.
However, unless they've written a formal Request for Proposal (RFP), they probably don't even understand the problem, much less have a specific solution in mind.
What's worse, though, it that even if something in the list does pique the customer's interest, the rest of the list makes whatever you're selling seem more complicated.
Better: "This results in [quantifiable benefit]."
4. "Feel free/Don't hesitate to call..."
This phrase attempts to position something that you want the customer to do as something that the customer might be afraid of doing.
But the customer knows that you'd be absolutely delighted if he or she picked up the phone and called you. It's not like you're going to yell at them or something.
What's even worse, though, is that this phrase sounds like a radio or TV advertisement from the 1950s. It's almost as lame as "But wait, there's more!"
Better: Omit this line entirely. Put your phone number under your signature. If customers want to call you, they will.
5. "I look forward to hearing from you."
Well, duh. Customers obviously know that you'd like the opportunity to sell something to them.
This phrase is also presumptuous. It's like you think you've made such a compelling case to buy that it's a foregone conclusion that the customer will respond. Yeah, right.
Beyond that, though, customers don't care about your emotions, your wants, your needs or expectations. So why bring them up?
Better: "If this interests you, I can..."