Since I'm a bit of an amateur historian, I'm well aware that Christmas was originally a secular holiday that almost all churches tried to suppress. While it was ostensibly to celebrate the birth of Jesus, for centuries Christmas was an excuse for celebration and drunken mayhem rather than creches and solemn hymns.

As such, the so-called "War on Christmas" is patently absurd, all the more so when it's claimed that saying "Happy Holidays" is somehow a liberal affectation. Quite the contrary; retail stores invented the phrase in an obvious attempt to include non-Christians in the holiday gift-buying spirit.

Probably the dopiest part of the campaign against the "War on Christmas" is the ignorant assertion that the Obama never said "Merry Christmas." To prove that wrong, Slate magazine brilliantly compiled this video of Barack Obama saying it seventeen times, along with a bonus "Merry Christmas" from Michelle:

You know, as I think about it, this whole "War on Christmas" nonsense is probably the least Christmas-y sentiment that it's possible to have. It takes a certain kind of evil genius to take the happiest time of the year and turn it into an excuse to hate other people. Especially since consumption during the holiday season is major driver of the U.S. economy.

Careful listeners will notice that two of Obama's "Merry Christmas"s are in Hawaiian. So just to round things out, here are 141 ways to say "Merry Christmas," excerpted from BTW, four of the languages are imaginary; ten points to anybody who spots and identifies all four.

  1. Afehyia pae          
  2. Afishapa
  3. Alassë a Hristomerendë
  4. Alussistuakeggtaarmek
  5. Anandi Natal or Khushi Natal
  6. barka dà Kirsìmatì
  7. Bellas festas da Nadal
  8. Blithe Yule
  9. Blunya na wo
  10. Bo Nadal
  11. Boldog karácsonyt
  12. Bon Nadal
  13. Bon Natale
  14. Bon Natali
  15. Bon Pascu
  16. Bon/Bun Nadèl
  17. Buon Natale
  18. Buorit Juovllat
  19. Chag Molad Sameach
  20. Chu? M??g Gia?g Sinh
  21. Cr?ciun Fericit
  22. Cualli netl?catilizpan
  23. Danistayohihv Aliheli'sdi Itse Udetiyvasadisv
  24. djoyeus Noyé
  25. E güeti Wïnâchte
  26. E keresimesi Oma
  27. E ku odun e ku iye'dun
  28. Eguberri
  29. Eid Milad Majid
  30. elicem Diem Nativitatis
  31. Feli?an Kristnaskon
  32. Feliz Natal
  33. Feliz Navidad
  34. Frohe Weihnachten
  35. Frohe Weihnachten
  36. Geseënde Kersfees
  37. Gëzuar Krishtlindjen
  38. gilocav shoba-akhal c'els
  39. Glædelig Jul
  40. Gleðileg jól
  41. God Jul
  42. Gozhqq Keshmish
  43. Heri ya Krismasi
  44. Hristos se rodi
  45. Hyvää joulua
  46. Idara ukapade isua
  47. Il-Milied it-Tajjeb
  48. Inte mangalaashamsakal
  49. Iselogbe
  50. Izilokotho Ezihle Zamaholdeni
  51. Jabbama be salla Kirismati         
  52. Jeulgaeun krismas doeseyo
  53. Joyeux Noël
  54. Juullimi Pilluarit
  55. Jwaye Nowe
  56. Kala Christouyenna
  57. karisama te naw?? s?la khušay??w?l? hewe
  58. Kellemes karácsonyi ünnepeket
  59. Khushal Borit Natala
  60. Ki'imak "navidad"
  61. Kirismas Wacan
  62. Kirîsmes u ser sala we pîroz be
  63. ki?istumas v??ttukka?
  64. Kreesmasko shubhkaamnaa
  65. Kris mas habbada shubhaashayagalu
  66. Krismas Chibai
  67. krismas mubarak (???