You won't miss Net Neutrality. Trust me.

It seems bad today but there are actually a lot of reasons why this ruling will be to your benefit in the future. Less choice, less access and more fees seem challenging but will actually create opportunity. 

1. Skip long lines. 

You will now be able, for a small fee, to access the entire Internet. That's amazing. It will be like the airport and everyone loves the airport. Just like at TSA you can opt for a pre-check lane or an even faster CLEAR lane. 

Plus, with those small fees, you'll be able to be part of a small group enjoying blazing fast speeds while the rest of people struggle to open one page like they're using Netscape Navigator in 1998.

2. Find your favorite brand faster. 

Choice is overrated. Have you ever been to the Cheesecake Factory? It's impossible to decide between 345 items. Now, your ISP will be able to partner with restaurants and brands to deliver exclusive deals. 

If you're in the mood for pizza, Comcast can have a deal with Pizza Hut to provide exclusive pizza access. That sounds fun. Pizza Hut's site and app will load much faster than Domino's (which may not even load at all) so you won't have to spend time trying to choose which pizza to like.

3. Choose the social media sites you want to keep.

Let's be honest, you've probably been on the fence for years on whether you should keep checking Facebook. Do you need to know that someone you talked to once in high school has a new baby or took 483 photos of their trip to Aruba? Maybe. But an extra fee to access specific social media sites will make this decision much easier. 

4. View only the sites you love the most. 

Big data will help your ISP determine exactly which sites you like to visit the most and put them in to a convenient bundle. Now you'll only have to pay for the sites you love.

It will be like Dish Network and you can always upgrade to a bigger plan at any time if you want sports, entertainment or your favorite DIY content. It's all just one convenient call to customer service away.

5. Star power will drive the Internet. 

It will be much easier to find your favorite content creators on YouTube and Instagram. They'll sign exclusive deals with an ISP to make sure their content is seen.

If Comcast doesn't have a deal for you to view Jake Paul or Logan Paul, you can always switch to a different ISP in your area. And if you live in a rural area with only one ISP option, you can always move.

It will be like that time you tried to watch Young Sheldon on Hulu, but then remembered that CBS isn't on Hulu--so you became a fan of The Good Place instead and never looked back. 

6. Quicker access to only the apps you need. 

There are so many new companies today it's hard to keep track. A different app or site with a goofy name pops up every minute.

ISPs and mobile carriers will now be able to choose which startups make the most sense. Verizon can exclusively provide Lyft with new bonus features. Sprint can exclusively provide Uber Eats when you're hungry. And AT&T will be able to give you faster speeds when you're near exclusive partner stores in real life.

7. You decide. 

You will be able to change all of this in eleven months. This wonderful new Net Neutrality ruling will finally put you in charge of the Internet.

It's going to be tied up in the courts for a while. I know, those pesky courts can be slow.

So, if you feel nostalgic for having unlimited choice and want it to go back to the way it was, you can. All you have to do is vote on November 6th, 2018.

Disclaimer: Yes, this whole article is sarcasm. 

Published on: Dec 15, 2017
The opinions expressed here by columnists are their own, not those of