Sh*t Entrepreneurs Say

Start-up founders are an odd—and awe-inspiring—breed. They take huge risks, try big ideas, and (sometimes) succeed in completely changing how the world thinks about a product or service. But... they're extreme optimists and always selling and that means sometimes they say some dumb stuff. So it's time to poke a little fun.

I give you, sh*t entrepreneurs say:

• "I’m not your typical entrepreneur."
• "Trust me. Someday equity will be a lot more important to you than salary."
• "R & D is only for people who don't have a clear vision."
• "Our culture is the most important thing."
• "I can't tell you what we're working on. Just know that it will be huge."
• "If it’s not at least a $5 billion market it’s not worth our time."
• "All we need now is funding."
• "Hey, didn’t I see you at CES?"
• "We’ll just pivot and nail the next iteration."
• "Trust me, it will scale."
• "Customers are definitely willing to pay a premium for green."
• "Our company? We're like the Groupon of... no, wait."
• "When you consider the bigger picture that's just a rounding error."
• "Once we launch they'll be forced to react to us."
• "We're targeting a global niche."
• "Looks like someone is having corporate Kool-Aid flashbacks."
• "The VCs we've met just can't see the bigger picture."
• "We don't need to change the game. We are the game."
• "Behind every minimum viable product is someone who sold out."
• "We're in stealth mode."
• "We're kind of like the Apple of the landscaping industry. Just a lot more visionary."
• "Seriously. Do you think Mark Zuckerberg was obsessing over revenue when he was coding in his dorm room?"
• "Our service will sell itself."
• "SXSW has gotten too mainstream for me."
• "Is it just me or does the Ramen noodle phase kinda suck?"
• "I can't tell you much. TechCrunch has been sniffing around again."
• "The market just wasn’t ready."
• "We're like the SimpleGeo of... hold on."
• "In two years I’ll step aside and see what lies over the next horizon."
• "Every great entrepreneur has failed."
• "If you take a step back it looks a lot better."
• "Right now we prefer to grow organically."
• "I wish our sales team had a clue."
• "I'm not interested in money or fame. If we can change the world, that's plenty."
• "Yes! Richard Branson is going to tweet about us. We are so money."
• "Looks like I’ll be pulling another all nighter… (pause) Hey, wanna do something tonight?"
• "Most of my time is spent holding the board's hand."
• "We gave it 120%. Looking back I wish we had worked a little harder."
• " I think Branson uses Buffer so he probably had a week’s worth of tweets already queued."
• "Remember, Amazon lost money for years."
• "VCs wouldn’t know a real opportunity if one came up and bit them on the ass."
• "In hindsight I think we were a little too proactive."
• "The consumer isn't smart enough to realize how great we really are."
• "It's okay. Branson probably paid for all his followers anyway."
• "Hey, not a big deal, but are you guys hiring?"