Well, the world's most useless holiday is upon us again. Oh, how novel, a thirtysomething lady who hates Valentine's Day, you're probably thinking. Tell us again about your cat hostel and about how awesome an album Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill is. But romantic misadventure isn't my reason for feeling 'meh' about the holiday. No, it's more that I disagree with the sinister mechanism behind yet another day where we're all expected to publicly demonstrate our true feelings by amassing and presenting our loved ones with stuff. It's not even useful stuff.

Every day can and should be the day you celebrate the people you love. So I say you and I and everyone else should take back February 14th as a day to celebrate our most underappreciated admirers of all: ourselves.

So go ahead. Here are 8 ways to Treat. Yo. Self. this Valentine's Day:

  1. Eat exactly what you want. Make no concessions for health or calories or lame "oh, but I should really"s. Just eat what you want. If it happens to be a Reese's peanut butter cup the size of a toy poodle (these are a thing), then so be it. This is your day.

  2. See the movie you would never in a million years convince a spouse or significant other to see. Alone. Going to the movies alone is liberating.

  3. Tell someone how you really feel. This need not have anything to do with romance. Just be candid and frank with someone. Maybe it's an opinion you've been suppressing. Not today, friend. Let it rip.

  4. Sleep in. Way in. Use blackout shades if persistent natural light tries to wreck your fun.

  5. Take a walk. With yourself. Yes, I realize it's freezing if you're a Northeasterner like me. Do dress warmly. Cue up your favorite playlist and just walk. It's good for mind and body.

  6. Find an interesting place in your area you haven't explored yet, and do it on your own terms. I myself spent 27 years in Philadelphia before I visited the Liberty Bell. And I still haven't had a steak from Pat's or  Geno's. Maybe today's the day.

  7. Write yourself an affirmation letter. Write down the things about yourself that you like. It's not half as lame as it sounds. I know this because I forced myself to do it -- and I actually felt pretty damn good afterwards.

  8. Celebrate someone else's love. Regardless of your own relationship status, you know you're in a happy, healthy place when you're able to be happy for other people who are happy.

  9. Buy just one thing that you definitely don't need. And make sure it's something that you really, really want.

So have a happy February 14th. You've got the best valentine around, after all.