Dear Parents Who Work From Home, Here’s How to Balance Life and Work–in That Order

About a week ago, some friends had their first child. Since they also happen to run their own business and work from home, they reached out to some peers for advice a few weeks before the due date.

As a father of four who’s learned plenty of lessons the hard way when it comes to balancing life and work (yes, in that order), I had some thoughts.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m still figuring it out. But hopefully my experience can help some who are in the same boat.

Here’s what I wrote:

Hey,

Congrats on inching closer to baby’s arrival!

You asked to share tips for running a business with a family and trying to achieve work/life balance. So, I wanted to share what’s been on my mind.

If you truly want to prioritize family, you have to know: It’s going to be frustrating at times. Running a family is hard. Running a business is hard. Attempting to run both together is…exactly how it sounds. Times ten.

Something simple, like a family member getting sick, or a mini (or major) trauma, can quickly snowball until the point where one or both of you are no longer willing to invest the time and energy needed to maintain family success.

This is just one reason why so many families end up breaking.

Also, putting family first will interfere with your business goals, at times. That too can cause frustration, especially if you’re a “type A” or an especially driven personality. When those bad times come, it’s easy to bury yourself in your work and defend it with good motives: providing for the family, maintaining the business, doing what ‘has to be done.’ 

But there are lots of good times, too. Working for yourself means freedom: freedom to take off when you want. To spend time with the kids. And, to spend time with each other.

Maybe you’ve heard of the fisherman story, where the businessman tries to convince the fisherman to build out his fishing business at great cost, not realizing the fisherman is already living his dream life. But there’s a huge gap between understanding the point of that story and applying it in real life.

For example, I used to love to get an early start with work. But as my wife and I had kids, I realized I had to shift this priority. It can be frustrating to start working at 11 or even 11:30 a.m., when most people are already thinking about lunch.

But at those times I have to remember my goal: to have a successful family. To that end, the time I invest in taking care of my family’s emotional needs is more valuable than investing that time into pursuing yet another business goal, especially when our immediate needs are cared for.

Of course, as with everything, there’s a balance. The key is to identify your “need to haves” and your “want to haves” when it comes to work. If the business is currently healthy, what good is it to pursue further business goals at the cost of the time and energy you need to maintain your family?

All of this is easier said than done. I have to constantly remind myself–and even then, it doesn’t always work. But we’re a work in progress…And there is progress.

Here are a few more quick, handy tips that have helped:

1. Use the power of reframing. On those days when you start work much later than you want, or don’t get as much done as you want, remember: This flexibility is one of the perks of owning a business. 

You have the freedom to prioritize each other, so take advantage of it.

2. Start the day off right. I highly recommend starting the day with a coffee and conversation with your partner, talking about things unrelated to work. It doesn’t have to be extremely long, but don’t rush it either. Twenty or 30 minutes work well for my wife and me.

3. Help first. This one applies to both of you, but it’s especially directed at fathers, as mothers tend to carry the heaviest load when you’re just starting a family.

There will be times when you’re both struggling. When this is the case, try your best to help the other person, before helping yourself.

This is counterintuitive, but you will be surprised at how much of a difference it makes.

4. Take a real lunch break. At least an hour if you can. It makes a difference.

5. Know when to “clock out.” You will be tempted to keep working most days. But if you have a cutoff time and treat it like an important appointment, you’ll guard your quality time in the evenings.

6. Take Fridays off. Going to a four-day workweek has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for my wife and my relationship–and for my own mental health.

There are occasions when I have to work on a Friday. But I try my best to keep Fridays for the family, household projects, and dates with my wife. It transforms the weekend from feeling like a flash in the pan into a chance to truly rest, recover, and reset.

If you can’t or don’t want to do this now, please consider it for the future.

OK, that’s enough for now. Keep in mind that everyone struggles at times, and it takes years to find balance. (It’s an ongoing battle.) But I’m confident you can succeed.

Most of all, remember: Our priorities aren’t what we say they are, they’re what we show they are.

And that when you put family first, the business will grow more slowly–or possibly even stop growing at some point–and that’s OK.

Because that’s what life-work balance is all about.

Rooting for you!

Justin