Fired Interns, Heartfelt Apologies and More: The Year’s Best Stories of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a person’s ability to use knowledge about emotions to inform and guide behavior. This practical ability can help you can help you reach your goals and be more persuasive. In short, it allows emotion to work for you instead of against you.

In 2015, we saw a number of examples that demonstrated the value of emotional intelligence. Here are my eight favorites:

1. Why a Millennial’s Letter to Yelp’s CEO Got Her Fired

A 25-year old employee’s letter of complaint to the C.E.O of Yelp went viral, and soon after this woman lost her job.

A bit harsh? Possibly.

But there are communication lessons here for all of us, namely:

• Don’t send messages when in an emotional state.
• Remember that you set the tone: If you approach people in a calm and reasonable manner, our chances are much higher that they respond in the same way.
• You can’t turn back time: The employee’s viral post proved the power of social media to affect your reputation. But in a world where perception is often reality, your online actions may affect future prospects for a long, long time.

2. This Restaurant Owner Issued an Outstanding Response to ‘The New York Times’

Imagine a well-respected colleague bluntly attacks your work, your passion. This person implies that you’ve lost more than a step, and wonders (out loud) how you could have possibly fallen so far.

How will you respond? Will you defend yourself vigorously? Maybe go on the attack, seeking well-deserved revenge?

World-renowned chef Thomas Keller (pictured above) faced a similar situation when a critic used his New York Times review to blast Keller’s restaurant. But instead of getting offended, Keller apologized and vowed to learn from the feedback.

Setting aside our emotions so we can accept and grow from negative feedback is an invaluable skill, but one that’s so difficult to develop. Keller’s example is a great real-world example.

3. Wikipedia’s New Email Campaign Is a Master Class in Emotional Intelligence

After donating last year to the Wikimedia foundation, I decided I’d skip this year.

But a perfectly crafted email got me to reconsider a decision I had already made. In fact, it changed my mind. (You can check out the email in full in the above link.)

4. Here’s What Happened When a Law Firm Sued a 20-Year-Old Waitress for Posting a Bad Review

Twenty-year-old Lan Cai had a bad experience with the law firm she hired to help handle her accident case, so she decided to slam them in a few online reviews.

The law firm soon got in contact, requesting she remove the reviews. When she didn’t, they sued her between $100,000 and $200,000 in damages.

The result? After another lawyer took Cai’s case, the original law firm lost in court and was ordered instead to pay $27,000 in attorneys fees.

The lesson? Persuasion is an art that’s not easily learned. But an apology, instead of a lawsuit, usually ends up better for everyone involved.

5. How a Petition (and a Sense of Entitlement) Cost a Young Group of Interns Their Jobs

Here’s the short version of the story:

A group of interns protest their employer’s dress code, which they feel is too strict. A manager makes it clear that there wasn’t any leeway allowed under the dress code (despite an exception made for a co-worker). The trainees respond by signing a joint petition to have the dress code changed…

And all the interns are dismissed.

There are lots of lessons to be found in this one (some which are covered in the other stories on this list). However, one tip could have definitely helped:

When you’re involved in an emotional situation at work, it’s greatly advantageous to get perspective from someone who’s older and/or wiser than you are. Finding a mentor who will help you see the big picture and whom you can bounce questions off of can help save a lot of grief in the long run.

6. Emotional Intelligence at Work: How Men and Women Interpret Feedback Differently

A recent study published in the Harvard Business Review shed some insight into different ways men and women react to the input of their peers. Of course, as an individual, you may respond much differently than other men and women. Still, this study can help you to design an effective strategy for taking feedback into account.

7. Warriors Coach Steve Kerr Just Showed a Completely Different Side of Emotional Intelligence

Excercising emotional intelligence is extremely useful when we get angry. For example, taking a pause can help us to avoid making a decision we later regret.

But Golden State Warriors coach Steve Kerr demonstrates how to get results by showing his anger, albeit in a controlled manner. Of course, the world of professional sports is unique, but there’s a larger lesson here for all of us:

Certain behaviors require an immediate response–for example, if you witness toxic behaviors such as bullying or deliberate attempts at deception. Showing your true anger in these instances lets everyone know this behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.

The key is to strive to always remain in control. Also, never berate people; focus on actions.

8. Why I Was Completely Wrong About Amazon’s CTO

For me, the year’s biggest lesson in emotional intelligence was one I learned the hard way. After calling out a tweet by Amazon C.T.O. Werner Vogels as being short-sighted and insensitive, he reached out to me to explain how I had misread the situation. By handling the situation graciously, Vogels made it easier for me to see things from a balanced perspective.

This led me to publicly apologize to both Vogels and readers.

Although I’m not proud of my initial mistake, I view every misstep as an opportunity to learn–and this case was no different. Vogels reminded me of two major lessons:

• Things aren’t always what they seem.
• Be quick to learn, not to criticize.

Because sometimes, it’s the people we don’t agree with who can teach us the most.