Simpson Paper Co., in San Francisco, gives customers samples of annual reports that have been printed on the company's paper. It is a common way for paper companies to show the quality of their products, but one of Simpson's reports reveals the workings of a rather interesting business. Itemized under costs and expenses, for instance, are funerals, flowers, ammo, cologne, cigars, police, jewelry, and suits, totaling $46 million. The purchase of lawyers, judges, witnesses, and juries comes to another $6 million. Federal and foreign income taxes are $2.

The report is the Alphonse Capone Enterprises Annual Report of 1931, a spoof that Simpson Paper created several years ago as a free handout to customers. It was printed on 'the company's high-quality text and cover paper, and included all the elements of a typical annual report.

"Rather than just put out the usual mundane specimen, we wanted to show off our paper in a more creative, humorous way," says advertising coordinator Judith Kermeen. "Customers loved it. It generated an awful lot of attention and interest in the company."

It's a promotional offer you can't refuse.