Believing That You Can’t Change Others Is a Complete Lie, According to Research

Let me ask you a question: Ever been told that you can’t change other people? Yeah, same here. I’ve thought for years that people are just the way they are, and you can’t change them.

As it turns out, this conventional wisdom is scientifically false, according to positive psychology researcher Michelle Gielan, bestselling author of Broadcasting Happiness.

Gielan says that we are actually changing people all the time–shaping how others process the world through our words and body language.

Compelling Research

She cites a profoundly convincing study conducted at the University of California, Riverside. Here’s how she tells it on Forbes:

Researchers had three strangers sit in a room together for just two minutes, without talking. Then they tested their emotions, and the results were incredible. The most expressive person in the room ended up influencing the other two people. If one person was frowning and crossing their arms, the other two felt less happy or more agitated. If the most expressive person was smiling or relaxed, it made the others feel more positive. All that in just two silent minutes! We’ve all felt this at the office with our negative colleague sighing at ideas during a meeting, but what is less obvious is that the positive influence can be as strong.

As leaders, Gielan says we are capable of quickly influencing the performance of others by getting into the habit of shifting conversations from being problem-focused to discussing solutions to those problems.

In one study she conducted with husband Shawn Achor (the best-selling author of The Happiness Advantage) and Arianna Huffington, they found that “pairing problems with solutions increased research participants’ creative problem solving abilities on subsequent unrelated tasks by 20 percent.” (it also improved their mood)

What this means for leaders in the workplace.

This gives managers and leaders a distinct advantage. When they can sit down with employees and discuss something negative, it’s not the end of the world if solutions are provided in the discussion, thus empowering employees to create positive change.

Gielan says that “the key is to get their brain to see that behavior matters in the face of a challenge by discussing solutions they could take to get there.”

Changing the way managers talk to employees in this optimistic fashion is a game-changer for boosting performance and your bottom line.

In another example taken from Broadcasting Happiness, one particular manager who put his team’s attention on all the things they were doing right, increased the whole team’s productivity by 31 percent in three weeks.

His strategy involved praising a different employee each day, often within earshot of colleagues, about one specific thing that particular employee was doing well. This, says Gielan, helps to remind the brain how successful it already is, which can often fuel it to be more successful later.

What makes us think people can’t change?

When asked why people have bought into this idea that we can’t change others, Gielan was succinct: “It is easier to assume that you can’t change others. We often believe what it is easiest for us, but not what is best or true. It seems to take the burden off of us, but it blinds us to the fact that we are not powerless.”

Here is a short preview of Shawn Achor and Michelle GIelan in Inspire Happiness — a new program airing on public television stations nationwide.