Most people don't want to do what it takes to build genuine confidence. They'd much rather purchase nice clothes and surround themselves with luxurious items.

By looking wealthy, they receive attention from the outside world that gives them a false sense of confidence that's only skin deep. To continue receiving surface-level validation, they put themselves in exclusive social situations that they post all over social media because every like and every comment is an ego-boost that prevents them from experiencing their deep-seated fear of inadequacy.

If you want more than superficial validation, then you need to do what it takes to build real confidence--and it won't be easy. Building authentic confidence, the type that you can feel when someone walks into the room, takes years of disciplined practice to master.

Here are 10 ways to build real confidence.

1. Spend more time alone to discover what you really want out of life.

Stop surrounding yourself with things to distract you from discovering your core values. It's important to spend time alone with your thoughts so that you can get clear about your goals in life.

Once you discover your purpose and goals, you'll gain confidence by knowing which factors to take into consideration when making important decisions.

2. Put in the work to develop the skills you need to be successful in your career.

If part of your purpose involves a career, then it's time to get serious. No one becomes great on talent alone because success requires consistent hard work.

When you put in the long hours to hone your skill set, you gain confidence in your ability through sheer repetition.

3. Engage in long-term psychotherapy to work through your barriers to emotional wellbeing.

When people think about confidence, they rarely think about what, at their core, prevents them from feeling confident, or what created their insecurity in the first place.

Instead of spending years masking your wounds and not making any progress, go straight to the root and examine how you became the person you are today. Working with a life coach or therapist can be nothing short of life-changing if you're committed to self-growth.

4. Force yourself to participate in activities outside of your comfort zone.

It's difficult to become confident if you're not sufficiently challenged. Whether it's reading challenging books, battling high-ranked video game players, or playing one-on-one with Michael Jordan, you need to move beyond the known to increase your genuine confidence.

If you're petrified of social situations, for example, take small steps to move into safe social exchanges, and gradually work up to large social events. Little steps into uncomfortable territory prove to be monumental gains when compounded over time.

5. Rid your life of behaviors and thoughts that no longer serve you.

Take an inventory of your life and eliminate any and all behaviors that prohibit your true self from shining through. When you act or think in ways that are at odds with who you really are, you prevent yourself from developing healthy self-esteem.

Start practicing what you preach, listening to your intuition, and your confidence will skyrocket.

6. Cleanse and organize your mental and physical environments.

Yes, your mother was correct when she said to clean your room. When you clean your space, it impacts your emotional wellbeing, and, similarly, engaging in tasks that contribute to psychological health improves all aspects of your life.

7. Start treating everyone, yes everyone, with love and respect.

I don't care whether it's the CEO of your company or a homeless individual--both deserve to be treated with compassion, curiosity, and positivity. When you start giving love and respect to others free of charge or expectation of return, that state of being aligns you with positive forces in the universe.

Call it karma, call it abundance, call it raising your vibration, whatever name you want to give this phenomenon, it's a law that you need to follow if you want to find real confidence in yourself.

8. Surround yourself with genuine people who have skills you don't possess.

You absorb the emotions and take on the characteristics of who you're surrounded by. So instead of spending time with people that bring you down, make an effort to surround yourself with confident and inspirational people.

9. Set appropriate and assertive boundaries with yourself and others.

Learn how to say no and when to utter a spontaneous "yes!" Practicing the age-old art of self-discipline will create self-trust and develop real confidence.

10. Practice being proud of yourself to build healthy self-esteem.

Each night tell yourself or your spouse three reasons why you're proud of yourself. The more that you acknowledge your positive traits and behaviors, the more genuine confidence you'll build over time.

While most people won't choose to do so, everyone has the ability to develop authentic confidence and become the best possible versions of themselves.

Published on: Sep 13, 2016