Here in America, we spend too much time focusing on other people. We look outside of ourselves and are constantly confronted with what we don't have, rather than maintaining an attitude of gratitude. Our obsessive observation of other people creates a subtle sense of envy.
A famous psychologist named Melanie Klein thought that envy involved an angry feeling that someone else enjoys something that we want, along with the desire to take it away from them. When we look at other people's brand new Porsche's, their $200 t-shirts, or their Instagram-famous bodies, it reinforces our own lack shortcomings. By wasting valuable time lusting over what other people have, it also maintains our focus on what we don't have, which creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We end up chasing what other people have so that we can feel better about ourselves. Unfortunately, if we are fortunate enough to acquire those objects, they quickly lose their appeal as our expectations are raised to something even more exclusive. The self-fulfilling prophecy is this: no matter what we have right now, it isn't enough for us to feel successful or happy. This mindset keeps us shackled to what I call "lack consciousness," or the constant awareness of and subtle search for our limitations.
As a life coach and licensed therapist, I help highly motivated clients restructure this "lack consciousness" into "abundance consciousness," or the awareness and appreciation for the gifts of the present moment. When people transform their thought processes and emotional energy to experiencing gratitude for each moment, no matter what is happening, they discover real happiness and become more successful.
The one change in mindset you need to make to become successful is to stop underestimating your own value.
No matter who you are, there is something about you that separates you from the masses. Your own lived experiences shape the way that you see the world, which is unique from every other person. And because no one views the world in the same way you do, to become successful you need to embrace your unique talents.
All highly successful people appreciate their own value. They perceive challenges as opportunities for growth. They know that no matter what happens, they trust themselves to overcome obstacles and continue building the life they want to live.
The truth is that once you discover your own value, all you need are three things to become successful: determination, consistency, and perseverance.
You need to be grounded in and attuned to your sense of purpose (determination). People who are determined are not only aware of their own value, but they have the desire to use that value to make meaningful contributions.
Next, you need build a foundation of positive practices that propel you towards your goals (consistency). When you know your value and are consistent in your ability to sustain your mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing, you have the ability to achieve anything you desire.
Finally, you need to have a tenacious ability to work through difficult circumstances and delay instant gratification (perseverance). People that increase their focus in high pressure situations--like Michael Jordan in the NBA Finals--achieve success when they master their unique talents.
Stop focusing on other people and start looking within. Each of you have a one-of-a-kind perspective on the world that you can use to achieve your definition of success. All you need is determination, consistency, perseverance, and a profound appreciation of your value.