Trusted relationships are paramount in business and in life. The better you are at developing these, the more successful you'll be. Interactions get tricky as entrepreneurs seek to uphold the integrity of their brands, businesses, and individualism. These create a rocky road to knowing just how to effectively build strong relationships of deep trust.
Displaying good manners is one of the tools of the trade for building trust. Good manners increase your likability at first. They are great gifts for others.
They can also work against you. Your desire to be liked can trap you into compromising your boundaries and engaging with those who will exploit you. The truth is, politeness and personal boundaries are often at odds, and there's a way to walk the line between them.
Being polite isn't the best way to get your needs and wishes met.
Being polite means taking extra care not to inconvenience or offend others. Essentially you're putting others' care and convenience over caring for yourself. This isn't always the best thing to do to get your needs met.
Other people are generally poor stewards of your needs and wishes. But, they also need their needs and wishes addressed if you want to relate to them.
Good manners have a surprising historical track record of violating personal boundaries.
Historically speaking good manners have a bad rap. They've been a passive-aggressive tool used for all kinds of atrocities of subjugation and oppression race, gender, orientation, and so on.
Pick your moment in history and good manners were there to keep you from talking about the pink elephant in the room. Good manners dictate that you ignore your own feelings of discomfort, guilt, or resentment.
All of those are good indicators that your personal boundaries are being violated. Then again, personal boundaries are funny, too.
We need to know, set, enforce limits on how we relate to others, and that's what boundaries are all about.
Establishing a personal boundary means placing physical, emotional and mental limits to protect yourself from being manipulated, exploited or violated by others. Boundaries allow us to separate who we are, our thoughts and feelings from those of others.
If you've cultivated healthy boundaries you probably noticed that by their nature, they tend to be impolite. They're inconsiderate. When it comes to personal boundaries, everyone has their own system. And it's important that they're communicated candidly and clearly.
Bringing the two together, everyone desires to be understood, respected, and comforted to ease down our guard as we build trust. The balancing point is to use good manners (kind acts and polite language) to create a comfortable environment to drive candid conversations. The kind acts make us feel good, it is sincerity and mutual regard that ultimately builds trust and enduring relationships.