What are 6 toxic relationship habits that most people think are normal? originally appeared on Quora: the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world.

Answer by Andrew Ferebee, Founder of Knowledge For Men | 3x Best Selling Author, on Quora:

There are dozens of toxic habits that are present in most relationships, but these six are more common than any others.

If you notice these patterns in your relationship it's a sure sign that something needs to change or the relationship needs to end.

Hope this helps.

1. Always Being Together and Not Prioritizing Alone Time

In a healthy relationship both parties should have time to themselves and their own lives.

This isn't about two halves becoming a whole.

It's about two people with their own lives, dreams, and goals working together to magnify their human experience.

If you find yourself constantly spending time with your partner and never having the freedom or space to enjoy your alone time, something needs to change.

Co dependence isn't healthy in any of its forms and even in a marriage, both partners need to have their own lives and their own time.


2. Having Unspoken Expectations

If you have expectations for your partner that you aren't clearly verbalizing you are stuck in a toxic pattern.

Your partner isn't a mind reader.

They can't always figure out what you want or why you want it.

Especially if the two of you have different personalities (e.g. introvert vs extrovert) it can be hard to know what the other person is thinking or what they need.

Be sure to clearly verbalize what you need from your partner so that if an expectation is unmet, you know it isn't because of poor communication.

3. Taking Responsibility for Your Partner's Happiness

As hard as this is to admit, you aren't responsible for your partner's happiness.

You can't take their emotional well being onto yourself.

Your partner needs to be able to handle and deal with their own emotions without constantly dragging you into them.

They need to be able to self soothe and come to solutions independently of you and you need to be able to do the same.

4. Keeping a Relationship Score Card

Just don't do it...

Keeping a relationship scorecard is a surefire way to end up at a nasty breakup.

Especially since the scorecard is never unbiased.

If your partner isn't pulling their weight emotionally, financially, or with household responsibilities, have a conversation about it.

Don't hold it over your partner's head and try to guilt trip them every time you get into a fight.

5. Intentionally Making Your Partner Jealous

This is one of the worst toxic patterns that most people consider normal.

If you are't getting the love or attention you desire from your partner, making them jealous by flirting with or engaging with other people can seem like the natural solution.

But I promise you it's not.

In most cases, if you feel the need to make your partner jealous, there's an underlying problem with the relationship that needs to be talked about.

If you go out and start flirting, dancing, or touching on other people to make them jealous this will probably make them think you no longer love them and simply exacerbate the issue.

6. Passive Aggression in Any Way Shape or Form

If you have a problem... State it.

Don't drop hints or act passively aggressively.

Again, your partner isn't a mind reader.

You won't solve your problems through unclear and ambiguous communication.


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