Video Transcript

00:09 Susan Leger Ferraro: Lesson number two is about sharing love. I was so excited when I saw that Inc Magazine came out with these "7 Traits of True Leaders". Literally, I'm doing the happy dance like, "Oh, my God, evolution of men, isn't this great?" They missed one word, and I'm gonna give 'em a hall pass and say that they'll do this someday, "Love". Why are we so afraid to use that word? Chester just talked about it. You say "I love you" at home, and acknowledging and saying "thank you" at work is the same thing. I tell my people I love them. It makes them uncomfortable, but my job is to keep them in constant disequilibrium. Constant. That's how I grow, that's how they grow. Tell them you love them, share love. I've been studying with Deepak Chopra for 10 years here at The Chopra Center, and they've identified... He works with Gallup; he's a chief scientist with them. And they've identified the four A's that help you express love at work: Affection, attention, appreciation and acknowledgment. Those four A's are how you manifest love in your relationships. If you can do them consistently, you will be developing the whole human. We're at work, we wanna create better husbands, better sisters, better brothers, better wives, better citizens.

01:25 Ferraro: When you take the time, like Norm and Elaine were doing, they were investing in their people, they weren't just doing the hard skills, the technical stuff about work, they took their time to develop them as human beings. We spend more time at work than anywhere, and we forget that these people have all these other lives. As leaders, we are there to grow our people and to help practice it. I've a story about a girl named Jess, that my COO who... A couple of years ago, well, seven years ago brought to me and she said, "You're gonna love this kid." When someone brings you that scrappy entrepreneur and you're sitting there interviewing, 20 minutes in, you're like, "Oh, my God, give me that person." This was Jessica, and Jessica was 25 years old at the time. She came to us and we put her in as an associate director in one of our schools. Now she had a little bit of experience. By the end of the week, we had let go of the executive director and moved Jess up to be the executive director. She was that good. She didn't really realize it at this point.

02:24 Ferraro: Six months later, I was sitting in a meeting, reporting on our marketing activities and I was with our consultant Gina, who was a big Yahoo exec. Everybody on the team was reporting up about their results, and Jess was there reporting on her results. Gina leans over and says, "There's your marketing girl." So I met with Jess and I said to her, "Look, I think you can do this." And she's like, "What are you talking about? I don't know anything about marketing." You're like, "It'll be fine. I'm gonna develop you, and we're gonna do this together." So I met with her more, I connected with her more, and I developed her more, and she succeeded. Shortly thereafter, we moved her into our biggest school that we had ever purchased, in one the riskiest markets that we had ever purchased, and she blew it out of the sky; highest performing, all kinds of stuff. A couple of years after that, she's now our regional director doing all our new school development.

03:11 Ferraro: The interesting thing was that Jess was going through the toughest time of her life. She had gotten married while she was with us, and she had gotten divorced. And had I not taken the time to connect with Jess on those life experiences and help support her, because that's what we do at work, that's what we're supposed to do when we're good at it, I don't think she would have been able to be as successful as she was. Today, Jess is now... She came with me when I walked away from Sprouts, and she's the COO of Imagine That and she grew it 110% this year. And Jess is actually with me. Jessica, stand up.

03:53 Ferraro: She wanted to come to Carlsbad and hang around La Costa, but I... She wasn't so sure she wanted to come to this. But now she's happy that she came, 'cause she got to meet a whole bunch of great people and understand why you develop and invest in people. So developing the whole human madness, connection is it. I think Chester stole this line from me that "soft is hard", but it is true. I've been writing grants for all these years, and I bring them to the grant boards and they say to me, "Susan, those are soft skills. We don't really pay for that." I'm like, "You people out of your blimpin' mind? Really? Do you know how hard it is to communicate? If it was that easy, everybody would be doin' it, right? They ain't." So I get all red. You think about the hardest moments you have, you think about Stormin' Norman, that's easy, walkin' and screamin' at someone, he said, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you're a freakin' idiot," and that's it. That's easy.

04:43 Ferraro: Sitting down, giving someone your time and attention and eye contact and focus, that's hard. Because you know why? You've got 62 emails to answer, you've got all these reports to do, and time is precious. But that's hard, and as leaders, you model that. That's how you grow a culture. What we know about brain research these days is absolutely fabulous. And I'm gonna share something with you as leaders, that I hope you never forget. Deepak Chopra and Rudy Tanzi just came out with this book called "Super Brain". I highly recommend that you read it, because it talks about how we're biologically wired to retain information and use our highest and best potential. So I want everybody to put your hand up for me. One hand. So this is your brain; not on drugs, just your brain. Your brain has three compartments to it. The bottom part here, that fatty part, is your reptilian brain. That is where the four F's happen: Fight, flight, food and reproduction. Those are those basic instincts that happen, and that we all know you need that.

05:54 Ferraro: Your thumb, wiggle your thumb for me, roll it in, that is your limbic brain. That's where your short-term memory and your emotion happens right there. Your four fingers, wiggle them, roll them over. That's your cortical brain, your intellect, your critical thinking, your executive function, your innovation, your creativity, that's where it happens. So what happens when you're so stressed out or your employees are so stressed out, and all of these Cortisol and Norepinephrine is cruising through your veins, it shuts down your limbic system.

06:29 Ferraro: Have you ever been in a meeting and someone asked you a question and you can't remember the answer and you walk out, and all of the sudden it comes to you? Right? What happens? There it is. Your limbic system's shut down and you can't access your super brain, your cortical brain, your innovation. You know how you sit in trainings with someone and you walk away and you think, "How come they can't retain that information? Like I just told them yesterday. We just did training on that." They're so stressed out and don't know how to manage themselves, that they can't kick in to their highest brain. So us as leaders, our job is to make sure that we keep them in homeostasis, in balance so that they can access their higher functions. Big deal right? Same for yourself.