Saturday marks the return of Doctor Who. All Whovians know that the most dreaded enemy is the Dalek. Daleks lack emotion and simply want to take over, blasting everyone in their paths.

This reminded me a bit of someone else in the office–the Human Resource Manager. For whatever reason, HR has a bit of a reputation of being, well, Evil. So evil, in fact, that your HR manager may not actually be putting the Human in Human Resources, but may actually be the most terrible of all enemies–a Dalek.

Is your HR manager actually a Dalek? It’s possible. We know that they can take over humans, and still look like the rest of us. If you started to have suspicions about her alien status, check this list. If she meets any of these qualifications, try to contact the Doctor before it’s too late.

1. There are an awful lot of plungers in the back of the HR office.

2. She doesn’t conduct investigations by talking, but by extracting brainwaves.

3. Her bumper sticker reads “I killed a bunch of Time-Lords and all I got was a lousy bumper sticker”.

4. She fights your FMLA and ADA claims by saying she doesn’t trust the Doctor.

5. The department name now has an asterisk next to the word Human.

6. She’s trying to use behavioral interviewing, but when candidates don’t give enough details in their story, she yells, “EXPLAIN!”

7. Just when you think you’ve gotten rid of the HR department, they come back.

8. No one has ever gotten unemployment. Ever. On an unrelated note, sometimes her trash can is completely full of ashes. Weird.

9. She keeps slipping up and talks about “exterminating” employees rather than “terminating them.”

10. Her sensitivity training consists only of a repeated recording, “You will obey. You will obey.”

(Special thanks to Benjamin Orchard, Jennifer Sorensen, Erin Lenburg, Brent Timothy, Jane Lebak and Suso Chacon who helped me come up with these ideas.)

Published on: Sep 15, 2015