We all blame. Someone, something, sometimes. It happens when things don't go our way. Didn't get the sale? Career melting down? Love relationship on the rocks?
There's a big world of other people out there to blame.
The easiest target comes from your childhood.
Could be that fault lies with a cold and demanding father or an over caring and suffocating mother? Or a cold and demanding mother and an over caring and suffocating father? Maybe a super- achieving sibling who got in your way of your success?
Nope, you say you came from a loving, supportive family?
Well then, let's try the culture as culprit.
Racism, sexism, xenophobia, politics. Yes, they all fit.
In Don't Bring It to Work you can see how family and cultural patterns show up at work. Yes, family and cultural history influence our behavior in the workplace.
Think of it this way, the family was your original organization. It's where you learned about fairness, favoritism, back biting, betrayal, communication, and collaboration.
The present workplace is similar to the family. We have bosses (like parents) co-workers (like siblings) salaries (like allowances) and performance improvement plans (like a time out).
And the culture of your youth instilled beliefs and values that are often embedded deep into your subconscious.
Now, back to the reasons blaming others feels so good. Take a minute and think about a time when you were a kid and how you reacted when the finger of blame was pointed in your direction.
Most can admit to telling a lie to stay safe. Often for sheer survival, the first response would be "Not me, it was him, her, or them."
Why do we blame others so quickly? Here are points to ponder:
* Attack first: This is the way to get out of the line of fire quickly. It puts others on the defensive and gives you time to re-calibrate next steps.
* Stay same: Don't even think about what would happen if you admit you were wrong.Stay in safe zone, call situations 'fake' and then look the other way.
* Please others: Keep your good name and make sure you are not seen as foolish, irresponsible, or inept by admitting mistakes.Then you can stay in positive light.
* Cover up: Sweep it under the rug with an innocent shrug and hope it will be passed over and your role will never come to the light of day.
* Feel good: Blame is a great defense mechanism to preserve your sense of self-esteem. Never need to look at your own weaknesses and failures. It's always 'them.'
Be careful please. The more you use blame as a mechanism for success, the more you become unaware of its lasting and devastating impact on you and those around you. Being accountable for your actions is a sign of maturity and healthy leadership. On the lists of great leader qualities you always see accountability, not blameability,
Who is someone you know either personally or on the world stage you would offer the gold medal to for being king or queen of the blame game?
Not an award you want? I suggest you look inside yourself and also get feedback from others to see where you are on the scale of JUBLA (judging, blaming, attacking).. People respect people who are willing to own mistakes and stand for change rather than make it all about protecting themselves.