As a shoe, Crocs have both lovers and haters. Now, it seems, the brand is Hades-bent on adding fuel to the controversy. They've just announced that they're going to give a high heel version of their shoes another try. (Their first go, the "Sassari" debuted in 2007.)

Why you might want to snatch a pair

 

Unlike a lot of regular heels on the market, the Crocs version has a wide heel. That means you're going to get decent stability as you walk around all day, and if you happen to walk on soil, you're not just going to sink like a tent stake. That doesn't just make you safer. It also means you can walk with confidence.

Like the original Crocs, these heels are made of rubber. As a result, it's relatively easy to clean any yuck--e.g., sweat, dirt, that wine you spill after a 12-hour day *cough*--off the shoes. In an every-minute counts workspace, that type of low maintenance has high value.

Original crocs were designed to be comfortable. That said, one thing that's blessedly missing from the heels is the toe strap (thong) that goes between the big and second toes in many shoe designs. I hate toe straps with the fire of 10,000 suns, even with flats, and they're a million times more painful when your heel is elevated and your weight is pressed harder into them. Equally painful is a typical narrowing toe, which pinches worse than 80-year-old Aunt Delilah hyped on sugar after church. That type of toe also leads to that truly wretched abomination we can call only Witchy Bunion Foot. (Not attractive on any planet, no cute shoe is worth it, mmm'kay?) The new shoe allows the toes to be freer in a much more natural position.

Lastly, don't think the shoes couldn't work as "professional". There's an increasing trend to pair casual and formal pieces, such as a sport jacket with jeans. Serena Williams, for example, famously wore sneakers to the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. And purposely wearing "ugly-chic" is a real thing with more fashion-forward individuals, particularly with celebrities.

And why you might want to just roll your eyes

 

Crocs heels don't have a heel strap. That potentially could lead to you clenching your toes to keep the shoes in place, a problem already noted with the standard Crocs. Do that and your future could spell issues like tendonitis and calluses.

And let's not forget why most women wear heels in the first place. It's not just about looking nice. It's about authority. We women use heels to get ourselves physically on an even playing field with our male counterparts, who usually--although not always--are taller. Even if these were the most comfortable heels in the world, they still subscribe to the idea that ladies can't get ahead or aren't capable unless we physically match men. When, exactly, are we going to set that outdated concept aside?

But the biggest problem with these heels? They are still heels. That means they bring ladies (or any adventurous men) who wear them all the physical problems that come with elevating the back of the foot. Even if they added a heel strap, as you try to compensate for your off-kilter balance, you push your chest and lower back forward, the hips and spine go out of alignment and extra pressure gets placed on your knees and the balls of your feet. All that can lead to very real joint/muscle problems and pain. Who needs that evil abyss of grossness? Not me, and I'm betting not you, either.

The final verdict

Crocs gets points for pushing design boundaries, forcing us to redefine yet again what's fashion acceptable. They're put together in a way that might not be as painful or inconvenient for wearers, too. And as a 4'8" little person, I can say in full disclosure that I appreciate any accessory that helps me look both men and women in the eye, just for the sake of not having to talk to somebody's bosom. So if I had to wear a heel, these might very well become staples in my closet.

But at the end of the day, Crocs heels still have some big heel problems. I can't get past the social implications of "needing" to add height, and I'd much rather save my body aggravation by wearing flats. This latest release will not change my long-term goal--to get noticed for what comes out of my mouth instead of what's on my feet. I encourage you to aim for that, too.

Published on: Jul 18, 2018